I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
