Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
