Just cropdusted the office
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
