We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
