I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
