i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
