I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
