i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
