just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
