saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bring me that man meat
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
