tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just forgot I was standing up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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