i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
