This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
