happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
