Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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