I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
