I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
