i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
