my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
