I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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