Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
