$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
