A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
