Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
