dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
