We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
