i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
