i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
