I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
