he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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