At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize