I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
