He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
