fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
