just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
