i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
