i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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