So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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