he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
