It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
