I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
