My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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