I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
