No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
