Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize