oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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