I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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