i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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