if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
