he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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