Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
