never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
