I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
