So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You ruined the universe
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