Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We don't watch enough power rangers
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
