drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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