Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
