these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
