I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
did you just send me my own nude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
