that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
