Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
