So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
