Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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