i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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