I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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