I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
