There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
